I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
