I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Bring me that man meat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize