Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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