i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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