Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
