Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
