I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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