yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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