I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i drank out of a bidet.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
