that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
