Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
