sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
