i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
