She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
