Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
