Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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