I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
