I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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