Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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