shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The air taste purple.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
