Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You are the jesus of drinking
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
