Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
