i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she was so not down for the gang bang
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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