I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
