Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
