i wish my penis had a tongue
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize