Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
