I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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