I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
