My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
