I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
