i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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