shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
