i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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