she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
