i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
