did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
