don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
