we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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