cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize