Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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