The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
