loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
