At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i came on her dog
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
