garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Girls should come with a carfax report
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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