i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
