i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
