I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
