lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
