Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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