So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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