the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
