its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
