We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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