ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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