It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
