So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
