my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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