YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Michael Bay diarrhea
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
