Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
