Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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