We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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