He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
