dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
