he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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