i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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