I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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