No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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