i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We had to coat check the pizza.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
