He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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