guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
