i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
