Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize