Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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