i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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