Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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