No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
