I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
