My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
