You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
