one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
