that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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