I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
