Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
