i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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