he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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