And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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