make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
